Some Humor to Share and Smile

Somethings to laugh about:

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A frustrated man put an ad in newspaper: "wife wanted".
He gets thousands of letters next day that read "Take Mine"

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My nephew asked me if turtles without shells would be naked, or homeless?

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Teacher: What is the difference between an Apple and an Orange?
Student: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.

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You know how bad this recession is, everyone's losing their job, their medical insurance etc. So this young man, took his 9 months pregnant wife, in labor, to Pizza hut. A friend asked him, what are you doing here, go to the hospital, your wife is in labor. Well, I read an ad where it said, "Pizza Hut is offering Free Delivery now". So we came here instead.

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A tourist yelled at a local in a small village - "Any great men born in this village?" ...
Local replied: Sorry dude, I've only seen small babies being born here.

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When I die, I want to die peacefully like my grandfather who died while sleeping ... Not like the people who died screaming and shouting in the car he was driving.

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A new employee was hired as a computer associate. The very first day this guy ended working 3 hours more than he was supposed to. The boss was impressed and came to the new employee and asked - Wow, you're working late on your first day, what kept you busy?
"The Keyboard", the employee said - All the keys were jumbled up, so I fixed em.

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Museum security arrests a person and says - "It was a 500 years old sculpture that you just broke".
The person replies, Oh Thank God it wasn't new.

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Teacher: Every 45 seconds a woman gives birth to a child.
Student: We must go and stop her.

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A man went to meet his dying Chinese friend in the hospital. The Chinese man says "Yin Yuan Haan" ( 你是站在氧气管 )and dies. This man must find the meaning of his dear friend's last words and see if this would lead him to something meaningful so he goes to China and asks a translator what this means.
He asked the translator what does Yin Yuan Haan (你是站在氧气管) mean?
Translator says: You are standing on the oxygen tube.

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Wife to Husband: Can you please go out and water the grass?
Husband: But honey, it's raining out there.
Wife: Don't worry, take an umbrella and go.

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